Lina Farhana.
girl next door leading the average life. i love my family and friends. i'm clumsy. i'm basically a lazy person. slow at analyzing things. i wanna go back-packing with my girls one day. 31 december 2007 is a date that i will never forget.
honestly, i do not know what is wrong with me. all i know is that right now, i am feeling upset. not feeling well either. i don't know what cause me to feel this way. i hate this feeling. i've been avoiding myself, refraining myself from feeling this way and just pretend everything is ok when its not. i just want to go away for a period of time and do some soul-searching or something. my life is so dull right now. i want everything to be back to the way it was. maybe that is impossible. i believe that if you help people, people will help you back. but now, i no longer believe that. they are not there when i need them to help me. why do i even wanna help when i know that they will not help me back in return? that is simple. it's because i believe that one day, one day, they will recognize me for what i've given and help and they will in return, return me with good deeds. but now, i no longer believe that. faking can sometimes be good and can sometimes be bad. i've been putting up a face where everyone will think and see me as i am ok when down inside im not. if you ask why would i want to do that, it's because i do not want people to know what i am going through or feel. i just want someone. someone. im looking for someone that i can pour out everything to him or her. someone who will understand. someone who will not judge me. someone who will listen. someone who will help me think through what im going through and help me out. someone who will agree with me. im trying to find my way back. my life is so mundane. routine. boring. i want my life to be full of surprises. colourful. lastly. i wanna be there. i really really really wanna be there. i've been waiting for this time. but i couldn't make it i really hate this. i just wanna be there and spend time with all of you. but i can't. i don't know what i should do. can someone just help me out? if you don't understand this entry, its ok. try reading in between the lines. not literally though. maybe it helps.
Lina Farhana.