sunday.
boring day.
wish there is someone who will ask me out when i'm free.
i wanna find a new job.
i can't take the shits that has been happening in the current place im working since day 1.
political.
before i work there, i see the people working there and also other outlets, they look like they have fun.
but after i work there myself.
all that is plain plastic.
only giving the illusion that its fun when its not.
i wanna go out this coming saturday.
after work that is.
i do no know what time i finish working on this coming saturday.
probably after 5pm.
so yeah.
where to go?
with who?
i don't know.

i've been sick since last wednesday.
till today, i'm still sick.
well at least its just cough and running nose now.
i was suppose to work ytd but i couldn't cause my cough and running nose was still very bad.
wednesday and thursday, fever.
friday and saturday, very bad running nose and cough.
sunday, running nose and cough.
what i hate the most having running nose and cough is that the feeling that i get.
you know like you feel that your brains is being compress and all.
and also the fact that i wish that my nose is detachable(however you spell it).

i miss three days of skool!!!
frustrating.
i hope that i will feel so much better tmr.
plsss..
i need to be in skool the whole day tmr.
and i need to start revising again for my maths.
-_-
i just have this very bad feeling that i will fail my maths again.
if that is so, i don't think i will continue doing what i am doing now.
i can choose to stay in the current skool and retake my maths again till i pass.
or i should just go private.
mum asked me to take study loan.
since i still have to pay for my education in polytechnic, no discount or whatsoever.
might as well i go private.
i guess.
we will see how.
for now, i will just try my best to study hard and smart.
toodles!


6/29/2008 05:10:00 PM

honestly, i do not know what is wrong with me.
all i know is that right now, i am feeling upset.
not feeling well either.
i don't know what cause me to feel this way.
i hate this feeling.
i've been avoiding myself, refraining myself from feeling this way and just pretend everything is ok when its not.


i just want to go away for a period of time and do some soul-searching or something.
my life is so dull right now.
i want everything to be back to the way it was.
maybe that is impossible.

i believe that if you help people, people will help you back.
but now, i no longer believe that.
they are not there when i need them to help me.
why do i even wanna help when i know that they will not help me back in return?
that is simple.
it's because i believe that one day, one day, they will recognize me for what i've given and help and they will in return, return me with good deeds.
but now, i no longer believe that.

faking can sometimes be good and can sometimes be bad.
i've been putting up a face where everyone will think and see me as i am ok when down inside im not.
if you ask why would i want to do that, it's because i do not want people to know what i am going through or feel.
i just want someone.
someone.
im looking for someone that i can pour out everything to him or her.
someone who will understand.
someone who will not judge me.
someone who will listen.
someone who will help me think through what im going through and help me out.
someone who will agree with me.
im trying to find my way back.
my life is so mundane.
routine.
boring.
i want my life to be full of surprises.
colourful.

lastly.
i wanna be there.
i really really really wanna be there.
i've been waiting for this time.
but i couldn't make it
i really hate this.
i just wanna be there and spend time with all of you.
but i can't.
i don't know what i should do.

can someone just help me out?

if you don't understand this entry, its ok.
try reading in between the lines.
not literally though.
maybe it helps.


6/20/2008 07:19:00 PM

hello.
im finally free today.
well not really.
because i have plan what i am going to do today.

first thing first.
ytd was my class chalet.
i came back at around 3 am.
im so tired.
it was fun.
if i have the photos, i will upload it.
:)

so after i came back, i slept till 2 pm today.
hehe.
so when i woke up,
i went to the toilet and do what i have to do.
then had a 'lunch' (burger with neslo) with mum nad bro.
my mum and bro then talk about politics which i find it was funny.
lol.
i just keep quiet, listen to their conversation and laughed.

so this is what i plan to do today:

1) arrange the things on my table which is full with my bro's stuff
2) wipe my lappy
3) wipe my closet inside and out
4) sort out the clothes that i want and don't want
5) after that i plan to go for a jog (which will not happen)
6) i plan to read the storybook that i bought but have not read yet
7) do some revision
8) watch tv! :)

thats how i am going to spend my day today. :)


6/11/2008 03:33:00 PM

one after another.
but its ok.
at least i got through it.

i think i am addicted to coffee.
seriously.
i'm currently high on caffeine.
this cannot go on.
it is not healthy.

i'm having a migrain right now.
so i better go and rest and sleep early!
-_-


6/04/2008 11:06:00 PM

i just finished bathing.
just now was pretty fun.
get to meet all my cousins.
and my brother received alot of present.
and i wanted to do a surprise for him which leads to a disappointment.
i bought a cake for him.
i wrote his name on the cake.
so i was planning with cik edah how to come from behind and surprise him when suddenly i saw my brother came out from the shop with the cake.
i was lost at a moment.
so mum just asked me to take out the cake and just cut and eat.
i like the cake that i bought cause it is strawberry and not chocolate.
i don't quite like chocolate cake cause it makes me pening.
after that chill2 for awhile and then head back home.
:)

i don't see the point trying.
i don't see the point of trying to work this out.
i don't know what to do.
i'm getting sick of the same old thing.
you pretend that you listen but you don't register that.
so what happens now?


6/02/2008 12:29:00 AM

ok! first things first! i wanna wish my brother a HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY! hehe. going out with him and meeting my cousins later! hehe.

secondly, now that i understand what idaa meant about the mission thingy, i would like to do the 'mission' now. :)

Here we go,

1.if your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?

- hmm. this looks familiar. i would be angry for sure. but if i really love him, i would forgive and start anew.

2.if you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

- hmm. to have a happy and easy life in this world and after world. :)

3.what will your dream wedding to be like?

- wearing the most beautiful wedding gown,looking hot and beautiful in it and getting married to the man i love by the most beautiful beach . haha.

4.are you confused of what lies ahead of you?

- yes! at times.

5.what's your ideal lover like?

- someone who will always be there for me. someone i can talk to and feel comfortable being around him. honest,sincere and faithful. someone who accept me for who i am despite knowing my flaws. full of surprises. knows when to be romantic and sweet. someone who have sense of humour so that he can always make me laugh. someone who will always make me smile and happy.

6.which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

- certainly being loved by someone.

7.how long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

- hmm. i waited quite some time for this guy. i almost had him when i turn my back on him and till today i dunno why. but now, all that doesn't matter anymore.

8.if the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do?

- just forget it and pretend that it never happened.

9.is there anything that makes you unhappy these days?

- the way i behave at times. the mood that i have at times. and the fact that this few days i let emotions took over me.

10.is being tagged fun?

- yeah!

11.how do you see yourself in ten years time?

- i'll be 28 by then. so i foresee that i will be married to they man i really love. have a happy family. no children yet. haha. and have a successful career and i have a house of my own where i live with my husband. hahaha.

12.who are currently most important people to you?

- my family, friends and him. :)

13.what kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

- you mean idaa? hmm. she is cute. lovable. sweet nice girl. she is smart. and i miss her alot. miss the times when we hang on the phone till late. remember? hehe.

14.which one would you choose-marriage or career?

- marriage.

15.what's the first thing you do every morning?

- snooze the alarm clock. walk out my mum's room and on my room lights. charge my phone. sms someone. then bath. that is like my basic routine on weekdays. :)

16.if you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?

- someone who i think and feel best fit me. he fit in to majority of my criteria in question number 5. and he must not be afraid of commitment. :)

17.what type of friends do you like?

- who is always there and knows how to cheer me up. be by my side through ups and downs. someone that won't betray me.

18.if given the chance to turn back time, will you?

- yes. i will turn back time to the day that my dad went away so that i can make him feel happy. be by his side. spend time with him. not that i did not do all this before. but if i were to know i would do much more then just that.

19.Will you marry a person of your parents choice?

- erm. if it is in terms of monetary i will not. but if match-making, i will go out with him to know him better. he could be my soulmate you know. haha.

10 people to be tagged
-sheila
-nazurah
-lyn
-ayu
-inah
-kak syidah
-kak yana
-nina
-maii
- you-know-who :)

that's all people! :)


6/01/2008 01:49:00 PM