i hate it every time i feel this way.
it sucks.
but i couldnt help it.
what am i suppose to do?
lie about what i feel inside?
i dont wanna be pessimistic.
but seeing all that, it just makes me feel the way im feeling now.
they have someone to turn to but i dont.
so many things i missed out.
is it because i've been busy?
but thats not a reason. thats an excuse.
like i said i dont wanna be naive and think negatively but everywhere i go it keeps on proving that its actually happening.
what i feel inside is happening and its not my naive feeling.
sometimes when im alone, i sit down and ask myself who really care or cared?
trust me this is not the first time im feeling this way.
i thought it would go away but it keeps coming back.
since i was little.
this feeling keeps on bugging me.
i dont like it.
i hate it.
it just suck.
it really really suck.

pls do me a favor and not comment on this lame and stupid entry.
thank you.



12/24/2007 12:38:00 AM

hello!
i know i've not been updating.
been busy.
anyway right now im at my cousin's place.
we are having a slumber party!
my cousin, Danish is singing beside me right now, singing the song Bila Rindu.
haha.
and zurah is currently trying to play the guitar.
huahua!
i wish i dont have to wake up early tmr.

P.S: YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. DAMN YOU.


12/22/2007 10:42:00 PM

im so blank right now.
i guess that was right.
false hope.
you might be asking why i said hope.
well, you shouldn't have said what you said.
maybe what we had means nothing to you.
whatever.
it doesnt matter anymore.
im still trying to digest whatever shit that has been happening in my life.
thanks for making me realize some things that i did not know.
maybe you didnt even loved me back then.
im not gonna blame you for whatever.
maybe i should blame myself instead.
you are really selfish you know.
you keep on blaming me for everything that happened between us.
have you ever tried asking yourself why it happened?
its not only my fault.
it takes two hands to clap.
if you did not like how i handle things you can at least talk to me about it.
i know you all dont understand wth im saying here.
well i hope HE does.


12/18/2007 04:52:00 PM

hello!
my mum cooked something very nice today!
nasi bryani. (however u spell it)
delicious!

so, i went out ytd with my gfs to celebrate idaa's birthday!
so all of us were suppose to meet at 11 am.
inah and i reached there at around 11.15 am and one of them had reached.
then we sat down and chitty chatty till the rest arrived.
we proceeded to town.
took a bus from there to Botanical Garden.
we took some pictures outside the Botanical Garden for awhile.
then we walked to the Swan Lake and found a pondok and we settled down.
as soon as we settle down, we eat, chat and camwhore.
haha.
after some time, farhan called us and said that they were reaching.
of cause idaa didn't know.
hee.
all of us then squeezed together to hide so that idaa can't see us.
as she was approaching the pondok, we shouted SURPRISE!
she was shocked!
hehe.
she looked happy too!
we then sang birthday song for her, cut the cake, camwhore, ate the cake and the roti prata.
the best part was the ''sabo''.
hee!
its like our tradition to ''sabo'' the birthday girl.
we ''saboed'' nina too.
belated.
went to the nearest toilet to clean ourselves up.
camwhore again.
then we proceeded to town.
ana bought perfume then off she went for work.
feeling hungry all of us went to Far East to have our late lunch.
it was freezing cold in there and we were soooo full after that.
so we walked all the way to Dhoby Ghaut and we lepak there.
we played this game called kuti2.
i know the name is like -_-.
oh well.
then the truth or dare.
it was fun.
hee.
after that we all went home.
hee.
ok so here are some of the pictures.
in random order.






she looks happy right. :)


the birthday girl posing with her birthday cake.


cutting the cake!


sweet right? :)


birthday wish!




lesbian part 1.


lesbian part 2.


america's next top model.


maii makan keropok.

ana tgh bored. haha.

alright ppl! thats all.

('',)







12/12/2007 11:07:00 PM

i dunno what i should do or feel or whatever.
the news shocked me.
then today i found out something again.
i found out that u were in love with another girl.
and it happened last month.
and during this period of time u were asking me to come back to u.
u said u love me and also at the same time u love her.
speechless.

let me see....
first i found out a shameful thing u did which i should not mention here and u dont even look or feel guilty abt it.
u said u feel guilty but u dont show it.
wtf?
that is not called guilty.
i know that we broke up.
i thought u would change, grow and learn from it.
then u said u still love me and u want us to be back together.
i want us to be back together too.
but something is telling me not just yet.
then i found out that u actually have feelings for another girl and vice versa.
u have feelings for her while u were telling me that u were fucking in love with me?
it just dont make sense.
contradicting.
in fact everything u said doesnt make sense.
i think u made me suffer quite enough.
enough is enough.
dont put me through this shit again.
u wanna meet and talk about it?
u had ur chance to do so but in the end i found out and u only admit when i actually interrogate u.
there is nothing to talk about.
period.


12/01/2007 09:09:00 PM